


because it's you (너라서)

by zaroha



Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: Hanahaki Disease, I actually don't know what I'm doing with Minhyuk but we're just gonna be glad he's here okay, M/M, aftermath of the operation, sorry minhyuk, wait he has a use now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-25
Updated: 2018-04-26
Packaged: 2019-04-08 04:11:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 12,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14096916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zaroha/pseuds/zaroha
Summary: "When I look at myself, I feel that I've changed so much, do you know?"Jinwoo, still reeling from his operation of removing the hanahaki disease, finds love in other places than the boy who couldn't love him back.[UNEDITED]





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> sit back, enjoy me writing my first fanfic in like five years.

The hospital was a blinding white, and even the soothing voices of the nurses couldn't heal the feeling that resided within Jinwoo. After so many days in the same bed, the lighting still felt too bright. Everything ached, but the doctors had informed him that the numbness he was feeling was a necessary side effect.

Severing the bond between you and the one you love is no easy journey, especially knowing its damning effects. He had left a picture of him and Dongmin on his bedside table, but it wasn't there anymore. Jinwoo suspected that the nurses quickly caught on who the boy with the bright eyes and beautiful smile was, and decided it was better for him not to wake up and that be the first thing he sees. Removing the Hanahaki infection is supposed to subside the feelings and what was Jinwoo thinking to keep the picture there?

Maybe, just maybe, he thought it could change his mind. Not to go through with the operation. There's a six-hour period in which they wait before they proceed with the operation. Six short hours and he made one of the biggest decisions in his life. But he couldn't live like that anymore. He almost collapsed in the middle of the road when he saw Dongmin holding hands with Bin - an old school friend. Spending his days coughing up petals, lilac-blue, soft to touch and smelt sweet, at the mere thought of the boy who couldn't love him back since his heart belonged to another.

Was it possible to find another? Jinwoo wasn't too sure.


	2. blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> two friends, a dark memory, and what the future holds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is appreciated. Future chapters will be longer, this is just me testing the waters and see what I can do.

“Last door on the right,” a nurse voice echoed through the hall, she was loud, it annoyed the other patients but Jinwoo enjoyed her brash presence.

“Thank you,” a softer voice responded. Jinwoo felt an itch in his throat. He impulsively held it back. _It’s fine, Jinwoo, it won’t hurt me, not anymore. It’s not him._

A couple seconds later, Jinwoo found two people peering into his room, checking before to see if he was awake. He had reacted badly so the operation, the hospital forced him to extend his stay another week.

“Ah, hyung’s finally awake!” a voice squeaked. Yoon Sanha. A bundle of joy but still a pain in the ass. But one of the few Jinwoo would trust with his life. After all, he was one of the references he had to give when he applied for his removal. (A process that strangely felt like an application rather than a life-altering operation.) He couldn’t remember the day he met him, but he had remembered every day since meeting him. He was still wearing his uniform, tie skewered, shirt untucked and his blazer wrapped around his waist.

Next to him stood Myungjun. Long-term best friend. Like Sanha, Myungjun was a constant figure in his life that Jinwoo couldn’t even remember life before knowing Myungjun. Jinwoo froze under Myungjun’s dark but worried stare. And Jinwoo’s mind flashed back to when Myungjun saw him last. Broken, in the middle of his apartment, piles and piles of petals, scattered in every possible direction. Jinwoo had managed to utter the words ‘MJ’ before collapsing into a pile.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this, he remembered, he had let it escalate too far. Kept it hidden for too far long. He should’ve faced it when he has the chance. Told Dongmin his feelings before it became too much. His stomach cramped at the memory, his pulse begins to pick up, racing at a speed he couldn’t match. _Don’t. Don’t you fucking dare remember this right now, Jinwoo._

_Blue._

_A lot of blue, before it all became red._

_It wouldn’t end. All because he saw them, Dongmin and Bin. It was only a few seconds, but it was enough. He caught a glimpse of them holding hands, laughing, smiling, in love._

_He didn’t feel it at first. But then it hit him in the middle of a busy Seoul road. Some good Samaritan had the quick mind to pull him from the middle of the road when they saw a young boy, doubled over, a few petals slowly falling from his mouth and blowing away in the wind._

“Jinjin,” Myungjun’s voice, whispering his nickname, broke through the dangerous haze he was stuck in. Sanha had his hands on the button that called a nurse to his room.

“Was it okay to be here?” Sanha asked, almost whispering. “Are you okay, hyung?” Jinwoo felt instant regret. The poor boy had waited for days to see his friend.

“I’m fine,” Jinwoo said. “Just overwhelmed. But, please, stay.”

“Actually, we won’t be staying,” Myungjun said. “The doctor’s gave the go-ahead today. You’re coming home, Jinwoo.”

“Home,” the word was almost stuck in Jinwoo’s throat.

“Well, actually, M-hyung’s apartment,” Sanha smiled. “Your lease on your apartment ran out while you were in the hospital and since you couldn’t be there to renew it, your landlord kicked you out,”

Sanha prattled on about how mean the landlord was, nothing but noise to fill the silence while Jinwoo sat in a haze. Jinwoo knew renewal wasn’t the issue. The last time he stepped foot in his apartment, he left in an ambulance and hadn’t returned since he was admitted to the hospital. The mess he made left Jinwoo absolutely sure that he couldn't return. Too much bad blood that even he wasn't sure he could clean. But his mind was still stuck on Myungjun’s words.

He can leave.

But the real question, for him, was is he ready?


	3. summer haze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a new home and a new beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Added the first relationship tag. MyungJin is end game, everything else is in the wind.

Two hours and a hundred medical forms later, Jinwoo found himself climbing out a taxi and standing outside Myungjun’s apartment, with nothing but a bag of clothes he had entered the hospital. Myungjun’s apartment was nothing special. Similar to Jinwoo’s previous home, it was a simple apartment complex that rose from its position in a not so fascinating area of Seoul. 

Myungjun unzipped his jacket and slung it over one of the pegs hanging on the wall. He was humming tunelessly under his breath. 

“You must be hungry, Jinjin,” said Myungjun. “Go settle in your room, and I’ll order us some chicken,”

Jinwoo stood there. 

Myungjun turned. “Huh? Oh!” he smiled. “Sorry, the room you’re staying in is Minhyuk’s old room.”

“When did he leave?”

Minhyuk, a music student and Myungjun’s cousin, had moved into Myungjun’s spare room when he moved to Seoul to attend a private school. He had only started school a couple of months ago. 

“He decided to move into his school dorms,” Myungjun shrugged. “This place is too far from the school and his mom doesn’t like him coming home at like 4am because he keeps staying back to practice,”

Myungjun shooed him away into the room while pulling out his phone to order an obscene amount of chicken which, Jinwoo could tell, was already too much for just two people. The room was a bright, cheerful yellow, a colour Myungjun probably loved, but Minhyuk hated since there were musical posters plastered all over the parts where he could cover them. Boxes were piled up next to the wardrobe. Someone had started to pack his clothes away, there wasn’t much anyway but then decided to stop. Probably, Sanha, Jinwoo thought. 

He juggled various part-time jobs which meant he lived sparsely and didn’t really own many personal items aside from clothes and a few pieces of jewellery. The main bulk of his things were already folded away, so Jinwoo stuck to just clearing up a bit. He didn’t like the positioning of the wardrobe, it blocked most of the light but left loads of room. Minhyuk’s doing, probably, trying to fit in dance whenever possible. But the hospital gave him explicit instructions not to carry anything heavier than a backpack. 

Just before he’s about to walk out and join Myungjun in the kitchen, his eyes catch on some photo frames on the desk. He had ignored them when he entered, thinking they were Minhyuk’s that he hadn’t taken with him. 

But they weren’t pictures of Minhyuk. It was a collage of moments from Jinwoo’s life that included Myungjun. It highlights their school days but then jumps a couple of years, signifying the time Jinwoo had moved to Seoul in his late teens, before starting again in the summer of his graduation where they reunited as friends, graduated and now starting adult life. The lapse in the photos was during the time he met Dongmin and fell in love, and whoever left these photos were explicit in making sure no pictures of him during that time was there. 

“Jinjin,” Myungjun’s voice drew him out and Jinwoo followed, partly because the smell of chicken was far too enticing. He entered the kitchen, the walls decorated with sketches from Myungjun’s pastime. Art was a hobby that Myungjun never flourished into a dream that Jinwoo wished he followed. But financial instability left Myungjun working part-time in a coffee house but he still dabbled in drawing whenever he could. He had the talent, while Jinwoo’s handwriting alone looked like a car crash. 

Myungjun didn’t look up despite Jinwoo’s entrance, though he could tell by his posture that he’d heard him. His shoulders were tightened and Jinwoo went over to him, laying a hand lightly on his shoulder. He felt hard like his bones were edging over the thin black shirt he wore and wondering if he’d lost weight. It was a tricky subject for Myungjun. 

“Are you okay?”

Myungjun jerked and looked surprised that he let himself doze off like that. “Sure. I’m fine, just tired and hungry.”

“Okay, let’s eat, then,”

They ate in silence. Nothing but the sound of chopsticks clicking and the noise of traffic flooding the room. 

“Do you have all the medicine set up? I left a box in your room so you can monitor it,” Myungjun finally said when he realised that Jinwoo had coughed one too many times and grimaced in pain after.

Jinwoo didn’t see the box but shook his head. “I’ll do it tonight,”

“Call me over if you need any help,”

“Okay,”

Silence again.

Jinwoo stopped after his third piece of chicken, not wanting to strain his stomach. Hospital food was light and this chicken was the heaviest amount of food he had eaten in a while. He coughs once more, and that caught Myungjun’s eyes. 

“Can I ask you something?” Jinwoo asked, his voice sounded hoarse. He had wanted to ask the moment Myungjun walked into the hospital room, but Sanha was there and didn’t want the youngest to hear. 

“What happened?” he asked. “After I collapsed?”

Myungjun’s mouth tightened. “Now is not the time, Jinwoo. The hospital might have discharged you but they said not to overwhelm you in the first few weeks.”

Overwhelm? What had happened? 

“I...” Jinwoo trailed off. He wanted to argue but he couldn’t argue with the growing numbness in his chest. His throat itched. That night, looking back, was a long haze of nothingness. “It’s just… everything from that night was a blur, and I hate that I can’t remember,”

“Jinwoo.”

Jinwoo’s gaze flicked past him and then back. “Do I seem different to you?” he asked.

“No, Jinwoo,” He raised his eyes to him. His were a deep brown colour, a rich brown. 

“Then, don’t treat me like I am,” Jinwoo said. It was the truth. The eldest was way too quiet. There was a wariness about him as if he were waiting or watching for something. Perhaps it was a new sense of morality after almost watching his friend die from a broken heart. 

Jinwoo let his eyes fall shut and for a moment felt dizzy in the dimmed lights and Seoul summer heat. But the harsh ring of Jinwoo’s mobile broke the silence. They stared at each other in wild confusion before Jinwoo picked up the call. 

“Hello?” 

The voice on the phone swallowed. “Jinwoo hyung? Is that you?”

Jinwoo looked up and saw Myungjun watching him, leaning against the table. 

“Hyung, please, say something,” the voice said, there was a hitch, as if they’d been crying.

“Hello, Dongmin,”


	4. accidents happen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinwoo's late night call and Myungjun must make a choice.

_Jinwoo’s throat hurt, the stems scratching and crawling its way around him. He swears its scraping and wrapping tightly around his ribcage. He wants to heave. Heave it all out and watch it spill like a river. It was unfair that he couldn’t gather the courage to tell Dongmin the truth and now his body was punishing him for it._

_He remembers a prominent line in his health and safety form they had given to him a day before the operation. Warning: removal of the disease will result in an individual’s loss of love for their former person._ _Jinwoo remembered sobbing in the hospital room as the doctors tried to persuade him to change his mind. “Jinwoo, side effects vary but there is a high chance of you losing your ability to ever love again.”_

 

_“I don’t care,” he choked. “Please, just, please stop it!”_

“Jinwoo hyung, are you listening?”

Jinwoo hastily left the room, ignoring Myungjun’s warnings but the elder didn’t follow him. He could hear him clearing the plates as he shut the bedroom door behind him.

“What’s wrong, Dongmin?”

“Wha- what’s wrong?!” Dongmin’s voice held shock and a slight twinge of anger. “I had to find out from Sangyeon hyung that you had been in hospital for three weeks!”

“I’m fine, Dongmin,” he said. “Honestly, the extended stay was an unnecessary precaution,”

“What was it?”

Jinwoo froze. He’d never told Dongmin his feelings for him, hoping that the disease would disappear on its own. For months, he had hidden the flowers from everyone. Each petal and bud had disappeared without a trace and no one was ever the wiser. He had hoped he would’ve found someone else, someone available, someone who wasn’t his next door neighbour’s son. A boy too beautiful Jinwoo knew he didn’t stand a chance. He hated that he never said anything, and maybe that day with Bin was the final straw for his body. _He doesn’t love you. Not in that way._

Only Sanha knew at first, Jinwoo couldn’t hide anything from him even if he tried. Myungjun learn by accident, he had witnessed Jinwoo shoving the petals into his bin but wasn’t quick in enough in his action to hide them.

“It was the flu,” he lied. “I guess I didn’t treat it fast enough, and it got worse,”

Dongmin sighed. “You should take better care of yourself, hyung,”

“I know,” He replied.

“Can I see you? Maybe tomorrow I’ll drop by your apartment-”

“No,”Jinwoo said.

“No?” Dongmin’s voice dropped.

“I mean, not right now,” Nice save, Jinwoo. “I was in the middle of moving when it happened, I’ll text you the new address later,”

“Oh, what was wrong with your old place?”

_Nothing, I just had a breakdown, watching you fall in love with someone else._

“Needed a new space,” he said, and turned to the clock. Almost ten. He should take his first dose of medicine now. “I have to get going,”

“Jinwoo hyung-”

“Goodnight Dongmin,” And clicked Hang up.

Jinwoo let out a deep breath. The numb pain resided within him still but something different happened. Or what didn’t happen. Almost every previous call with Dongmin ended with him running to the bathroom and emptying him stomach with petals and, sometimes, if it was bad, vines. Those hurt the most, left him bleeding for a couple of hours, while his body tried to heal.

 _Removal of the disease will result in an individual’s loss of love for their former person._ It worked. Jinwoo shouldn’t be surprised but it did. But it left a different feeling in him. Loss.

Jinwoo had lost a lot of things in his life. But the losing the feeling of love was something different, something hollow was just simmering within him. Was this a side effect of the operation or was this something that will stay with him forever?

He didn’t bother cleaning up before bed, instead he crawled straight into the soft, warm duvets.

Barely five hours later, Jinwoo is up. He peers out the window and see a half-rising sun, Seoul horizon glistening a mess of orange and red. The sunlight reflects on the apartment windows and Jinwoo’s room is a sea of colour. He loved it.

He plans on lying on the bed until it was a socially acceptable time to get up but nature called. He entered the bathroom, feet cold and bare against the tiles. He’s washing his face when he hears a faint murmur in the living room. Myungjun’s voice echoed when he opened the bathroom door and entering the living room. Myungjun has his back to him, facing the window, with his ear to his phone.

“I don’t know if I can leave,” he sighed. “I’ll try and see what I can do, I have to go,”

He hangs up.

“Is everything okay?” Jinwoo’s voice cracks and he clears his throat with a quick cough. He leans against the kitchen counter. His hands shake but he clasps them quickly.

“Well...” Myungjun turned and leaned against the window pane. “It’s nothing, I don’t want you to worry,”

“What?” Jinwoo said.

“Minhyuk was in a car accident,”

Oh. _Oh._ A mix of anxiety and sickness flooded through Jinwoo. “Oh, my God, is he okay?”

“He’s okay, to an extent,” Myungjun’s longs fingers rapidly beats against his legs. “It’s serious, his legs were crushed,”

Fuck. Jinwoo’s heart dropped. Minhyuk lived and breathed dance, ever since he met him when he was just a three year old kid. Jinwoo loved to dance as well but there was something magical about Minhyuk and seeing it through his fluid movements. 

“He’ll heal in time, the doctors say,” Myungjun continues. “But he’ll be in recovery for weeks.”

“Is he okay? Is he awake? Where is he staying?” Questions spill from his mouth and Myungjun has to physically hold his shoulders to stop him from shaking. Jinwoo was known for his leadership skills and his ability to keep calm but how could he? Maybe the operation made him softer, his mind not as strong as it was before.

Myungjun doesn’t answer right away. Dread twists his stomach.

“He’ll be fine, he’s being transported to another hospital in Jinju,” he said. “His mom wants him closer to home to heal,”

“And? Was that your aunt on the phone?”

“My aunt suffers from serious arthritis, Jinwoo,” Myungjun said. “Hyuk’s gonna be in a wheelchair for a while and she can’t care for him.”

“Oh,”

“She asked me to come to Jinju and stay with him until Minhyuk’s well enough,”

“You’re going right!?”

Myungjun stood there sheepishly. “Well, I can get off work easily but you, Jinwoo-”

“What about me? I’ll be fine, Myungjun, you have to go,”

Jinwoo could tell Myungjun stood conflicted. The doctors did warn him to keep an eye on Jinwoo as if he was his carer. But Myungjun was the only contact Jinwoo had on his record so the doctors just regurgitated whatever information they had to give to Myungjun.

And then an idea clicked.

“Wait, hyung, I’ll come with you,” Jinwoo said.

“I don’t know...”

“If it’s me you’re worried about leaving, then I’ll come,” Jinwoo said.

“Are you sure?” Myungjun asked.

“As sure as I’ll ever be,” Jinwoo smiled. “The doctors did suggest a change of scenery would be good for me,”

Myungjun stood and stared. Until his eyes finally flicked to the clock that read 6:15.

“Fine,” he sighed. “Go back to sleep and have a bag ready by 1, we leave for Jinju at two.”

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I've been updating quite frequently but I've decided to hold back and try and write a couple of chapters first, edit and then publish them. The only reason I have the time to write this is that I'm on Easter break from uni for like three weeks so I hope to write the entire fic during that time and publish it.


	5. minhyuk's home

Jinwoo was so stuck in thought, he hadn’t realised the song that was playing in Myungjun’s car. It was a piece by Yiruma, the one Jinwoo specifically used to practise with when he started taking lessons years ago from Myungjun’s aunt. He stopped when he moved to Seoul, and never had the time to pick up lessons again. He remembers sitting in Myungjun’s living room, his aunt next to him, while Myungjun lazily laid on the sofa, small feet dangling, listening.

Jinwoo stared out the window, while his fingers rapped against his knee, trying its best to remember the keys. The drive was two and a half hours long, and despite Jinwoo’s constant nagging to switch, Myungjun drove the entire way. 

“Do I need to remind you that a side effect of your medicine is drowsiness?” Myungjun said. “I don’t want to fall asleep and wake up with my car up against a tree!”

Myungjun didn’t say anything with spite but Jinwoo did knock out for most of the drive there. He refused to meet Myungjun’s eyes, knowing it’s practically dripping in  _ I told you so _ . 

Still a little drowsy, he slipped out his phone, almost clearing the messages he received.

Sangyeon. Suyeon. Jinsol. Seongwoo. Sanha. Dongmin. The Dongmin messages are new but he doesn’t touch them. Maybe he should...

Myungjun is parking up and Jinwoo slips his phone back into his pocket. 

“Wow,” Jinwoo said. “This place hasn’t changed a bit,”

Minhyuk’s childhood home was a hanok in Jinju city, located in the southern province. A family home, dating back centuries with modern upgrades to allow Minhyuk's elderly aunt to navigate her home with less pain. 

They climbed out the car and was greeted by a nurse and Myungjun’s aunt.

“Hello, you must be Myungjun and Jinwoo,” She greeted the duo, professionally, while Minhyuk’s mum just hugged Myungjun him immediately, Myungjun’s head mid-bow almost hitting her head. 

“You’ve gotten so small!” his aunt said. “Doesn’t Seoul feed you?!”

“Ah, I’m fine, I eat well when I’m up in Seoul,” Myungjun smiled. 

She immediately turned on Jinwoo. “You too, young man, don’t think I missed seeing a chubby-cheeked boy trailing along with Myungjun!”

Jinwoo laughed, and now vaguely remembers being heavier when he left Myungjun’s house after a piano lesson. 

“Come on,” the nurse said to them all. “Let’s get all your things inside,”

From what the nurse had said, Minhyuk was already home. The doctors were confident in his healing and the nurse had quickly set up everything including the equipment he needs to heal. She reminds them not to worry about the technical things since she would drop by every day to check up on Minhyuk but they would need to keep an eye on him so he doesn’t exert himself. 

It’s weird to not be walking on soft fabric like their apartment floors. But the familiar creaks and groans of their wooden floors was a welcoming noise. Family photographs lined any possible space, table and wall alike. A timeline of Minhyuk’s life and, by familial extension, Myungjun’s too. 

The nurse and his aunt leave the two in their shared room. A simple room with one bed against the wall and a wardrobe that was spacious enough to fit all their clothes. Extra blankets were piled up on the bed for Jinwoo to use at night. They agree to pack later, and Jinwoo follows Myungjun into one of the bigger living room areas, one of the only rooms big enough to install the bed Minhyuk needed. 

He’s asleep but rigged up in so many contraptions, which kept his leg up. His right arm is in a sling. The one thing that shocked Jinwoo the most was the cuts and bruises that covered most of his exposed skin. Tears pricked at his eyes as it settled down as to how serious this was. To think Myungjun could’ve lost of the few people he cared about in his life.

“Shit,” Myungjun muttered, realising the same thing Jinwoo had. The nurse stared at him, slightly ajar from his response. He was lucky his aunt had left the room. 

Jinwoo held his sleeve. “Shhh, you’ll wake Hyuk up,”

“M-hyung? Is that you?” Minhyuk’s voice mumbled and his body shifts in the bed, leaning his cheek on the pillow and turning in their direction. His eyes cracked open, showing bloodshot eyes and, up close, his hair is pressed in a mattered, wild look. 

“Hi, Minnie,” Myungjun scoots forward so he doesn’t make his strain too much. In a situation where Minhyuk was standing, he would’ve chased Myungjun for that childish nickname. But instead, he smiled. 

“I’m glad you’re here,” he said, his voice hoarse. His eyes open more fully, scanning the room. “JinJin hyung?”

“Hi, Hyuk. How are you feeling?” Jinwoo asks, not taking a step closer. The machinery reminded him too much of the hospital he had just left. 

“Well, I’m feeling pretty damn high,” How, Jinwoo thought, this boy could still joke at a time like this was above him but he was glad Minhyuk could still be merry.

“What was that, Minhyuk?” His mum’s head popped out from the door, she returned with blankets in her hand.  

“Ah, nothing,” Minhyuk said. Myungjun held back a stifled laugh. 

Minhyuk’s mum, oblivious to the joke, simply shrugged and turned to the nurse.

“Can you help me return these to the cupboard,” She asked. “You seem to be the only person tall enough to reach,”

That made a chuckle ripple around the room. 

“I’ll help too,” Jinwoo offered. 

“Thank you, Jinwoo,”

The nurse and Jinwoo helped pile the clean blankets and towels back into their designated spot. He also offers to help make the snacks but Minhyuk’s mother simply hits his arm and shooes him back to Minhyuk’s room. 

When he enters the room again, Minhyuk is drifting off, trying his best to stay awake and continue whatever he’s saying to Myungjun. When he steps in, his eyes drift closed, and speaks once more, half-spoken. 

“You need to tell him,”

“Is everything okay?” Jinwoo asked, and Myungjun whipped around. 

“Yeah, he just wants me to send a message to Sanha since his phone got damaged in the wreck,”

Sanha quickly latched onto Minhyuk when he moved up to Seoul, and the two became thick as thieves. That reminds Jinwoo to actually respond to one of his texts, but every time he opened his messages, he felt compelled to click Dongmin’s profile. 

Jinwoo studied Myungjun face. His cheeks are puffed, his eyes watering, his hands toying with a bear that Minhyuk had on his bed. Myungjun had a habit of playing around with things when he lied. He thinks of the time when Myungjun dropped a vase and ten-year-old Jinwoo took the blame. Myungjun almost ripped his bracelet to shreds before bursting into tears and confessing to his mum. His aunt’s voice echoed through the room, and Myungjun rose from the seat and headed for the door. Jinwoo didn’t say anything, leaving the room silent apart from Minhyuk’s heavy breathing.

_ What happened, Myungjun?  _ he wanted to ask.  _ When did I no longer become a person you could talk to? _


	6. a match made in mistakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jinwoo and myungjun make up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello~~~
> 
> This is a sort of filler chapter (with some sort of plot development? but not much) I had to spend some time researching since they go to a cemetery and I know there's a variety of ways Koreans visit their deceased. I kept that part to a minimum though.

“I hear it might snow later,” Myungjun said, glancing into the rearview mirror. In Seoul, he was a pro at driving but in Jinju, its quieter streets made him wary, already a couple of kids had bounced out unexpectedly while playing in the streets. 

Jinwoo didn’t answer. They had been sent to buy simple ingredients to make side dishes but Myungjun decided to use the moment to do a bigger shopping spree.  _ ‘We don’t know how long we’ll be here, it’s better to stock up rather than making my aunt do it.’ _

Jinwoo decided to drop the conversation between Myungjun and Minhyuk, it wasn’t worth the hassle it could bring. 

The first snow. Jinwoo hated snow. He couldn’t stand the bitter cold and icy winds. Myungjun, on the other hand, loved it. He turns into a child whenever he saw it, jumping straight into the knee height growing ice pile. He would drag him and Minhyuk, and it would be up to Jinwoo to drag them back indoors, enticing them back in with the promise of his mother’s fish bread. It always ended with him using a trash can lid to protect himself as he made a beeline for the door. 

They do their shopping in most silence, with the exception of Myungjun picking up items and holding it up to Jinwoo to decide if they needed it. Jinwoo said no. Myungjun placed it in their basket anyway. 

Once they’ve paid, Myungjun’s hand is hovering over the keys. 

“Hey, Jinwoo,”

“Hmm,” 

“Is.. it okay if we visit my grandparents? My aunt told me she hasn’t seen them in a while because of her joints,”

Jinwoo stared. “Sure,”

“Really? You don’t have to, I can just drop you back and I can--”

Jinwoo reaches over to Myungjun’s shoulders and grips it tight. “Myungjun hyung, I want to come,”

That left a small grin on Myungjun’s face. 

They drive a while longer until they end up at the cemetery where Myungjun’s grandparents laid. Jinwoo had joined Myungjun and his family multiple times to visit his grandparents. But he was a kid back then and hadn’t really understood the situation at the time. Jinwoo didn’t realise how disorientated he was until he climbed out the car and found himself instantly leaning against the car. He reached for the mini medicine organiser in his pocket and quickly dry swallowed a pill, hoping it would quickly soothe his throat. 

“You can wait in the car if you want,” Myungjun offered, but Jinwoo shook his head. 

“I’m fine, let’s go,”

Myungjun refused to let him hold the bag he was holding, so Jinwoo resorted to holding one handle while Myungjun held the other, the bag swinging between the two. The last time they did that, it ended with them dropping the picnic dessert all over the blanket. Sanha almost cried from the loss of his dessert. Myungjun laughed at the action, and Jinwoo almost stilled just from hearing the noise. He hadn’t heard him laugh in a while. He liked it. 

The choice to visit his grandparents must’ve been a spur of the moment as the only thing Myungjun had for his offering were red apples, a quick buy but were his grandfather’s favourite. They both took an apple and placed it on top of the plot that belonged to his grandparents. 

The wine bottle he brought was small but it was enough. Myungjun poured solemnly. The two bowed three times with their heads touching the ground. 

Myungjun sighed as he stared at the grave. As a child, Jinwoo never really focused on the words written on them, assuming it was just their names since he hadn’t really learnt to read Korean yet but underneath there was a sentence.  _ A match made in mistakes.  _

“What does that mean?” Jinwoo asked.

“It’s about the day my grandparents met,” Myungjun said, almost whispering. “My grandfather was in search of a cafe where he was supposed to be meeting another girl on a date but he made a wrong turn and ended up walking straight into my grandmother who was running away from a boy who confessed to her,”

Jinwoo laughed. “How do you just run away from a confession?”

Myungjun giggled. “Apparently, it’s easy. She said she felt sick and ran the other way when he went to get help,”

Their laughs echoed through the area. Jinwoo found himself close to clutching his stomach and had to lean on Myungjun to stop himself from sprawling on the floor. Jinwoo hadn’t felt this happy in a long time. Jinwoo realised their hands were lingering over each other, he moved back slightly realising the hot feeling against his bare skin. 

“Well, I’m glad everything turned out well in the end,” Jinwoo said, regaining some dignity. His cheeks felt red and puffed. “Otherwise, you wouldn’t have been born, and I don’t know what I’d do without my best friend,”

“You would’ve been hopeless without me,”

Jinwoo faked a hit at him, and Myungjun feigned an injury. 

“We should go,” Myungjun said, checking the time on his watch. 

Jinwoo hesitates, the word yes hovers over his lips. Even though this trip to Jinju was about caring for Minhyuk, Jinwoo couldn’t help but enjoy the time he had with Myungjun alone. Being the youngest in his old dance crew meant people often spoke down to him, never really took him seriously. The move to Seoul was a hit to him. The few friends he made, including Dongmin, lessened the pain. But he couldn’t ignore the happiness he felt when he heard the news that Myungjun was moving up to Seoul. An old friend in a city he hadn’t quite adjusted was a breath of fresh air. And maybe this was life making up for the time they had lost before. 

“Okay,” Jinwoo stood up and brushed the settled dust from his jeans. 

As they walked back to the car, Jinwoo found himself standing much closer to Myungjun, their fingers grazing past each other. This time, Jinwoo doesn’t pull away. 


	7. Oh no.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Does Jinwoo realise something?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I'm speeding things up a bit since I actually cut a lot out of the original plan, now making this a shorter fic.   
> Sorry for the lack of updates. I actually started plotting a faerie court!astro fic that is supposed to be a longer fic which I'm so excited to start!

It takes only four days of helping out for Myungjun and Jinwoo to quickly fall into a routine. They woke up around 9, had breakfast with Minhyuk (to Minhyuk’s embarrassment, had to be fed by his mother until Jinwoo offered). Minhyuk’s mother spends the first day babying but Minhyuk managed to convince her to spend time with her friends down the road, stressing that the daily nurse visits and his cousin and Jinwoo were enough. At first, she didn’t want to leave Minhyuk on his own, but even Jinwoo noticed how happier she was when she returned from her friend's house. It was better for her health not to be constantly worried about her son. 

 

But there were also a couple of new additions to the house. Some kids from nearby houses heard Myungjun had returned and were often running around the area. Although they weren’t allowed in Minhyuk’s room (safety precautions), that didn’t stop them from playing outside. Myungjun joined them often, playing tag and chasing them around the garden. Jinwoo sometimes can’t believe he has to call him Hyung. 

 

He liked kids, but sometimes Jinwoo’s patience grew thin very quickly. Maybe he was in protection mode because of Minhyuk or the operation was taking its toll on him. But these kids were on a constant sugar high 24/7, and Myungjun looked like the only person who could keep up with them. 

 

“Hello? Hyung?” a high-pitched voice squeaked. Jinwoo looked up from the plates of jelly he was clearing up. One of the kids, Heejun, stood before him.

 

“Myungjun hyung asked if you’ll join us to the park,” he smiled. He was cute.

 

“Why isn’t M-hyung asking me himself?” Jinwoo asked. He knew why. 

 

“He knew you’d say no,”

 

“I don’t know,” Jinwoo said. 

 

“Please, hyung!” Heejun begged. “We don’t need a car. The park is really close. We can walk there,”

 

Jinwoo remembered that park. It was plain with a grassy area and one swing. Not much for fun, but a kid’s imagination is powerful. 

 

“You should go, hyung!” Minhyuk’s voice echoed from the other room. “You’ve spent all this time cooped up because of me,”

 

Heejun gives him a small smile. 

 

“Don’t suffer because of me,” Minhyuk yelled, dramatically. He could practically hear him waving his arms around in a wild manner. “I haven’t walked in days, I’ll live vicariously through you! Just send me pictures!”

 

Sanha had practically flooded Minhyuk’s phone with photos of him walking around Seoul, promising to come down to visit. He just had to convince his parents, so for now, he just stuck to face timing whenever he could. 

 

Jinwoo sighed. Maybe, the park isn’t a terrible idea. But his mind quickly weighed the situation in his head. Nothing too bad could happen to Minhyuk and the nurse was with him today. 

 

The nurse makes an agreement to stay with Minhyuk until they came back, and half an hour later, Heejun is holding Jinwoo’s hand as they walk to the park. 

 

Once they enter the park, Jinwoo names himself the designated adult, reminding the kids not to leave the park and must be within earshot and view of him at all times. Myungjun is already jumping on the climbing frame when he’s repeating stranger danger to the kids, who all follow Myungjun like a moth to a flame. 

 

Jinwoo sits on the bench, looking out at the park. It had changed, improved well. Gone were the squeaky swings and broken benches replaced with a new climbing frame, swings and the grass and plants looked they were kept well on a regular basis.

Jinwoo watched the kids and realises that Heejun detached himself from the group and made his way over to Jinwoo. 

 

“Heejun, do you need your inhaler?” Jinwoo pointed to the bag he had next to his lap. Heejun’s mother had passed it to him as they walked to the park. 

 

He nodded, and Jinwoo reached for the inhaler and the assistance device that came along with it that helped children use it. He counted Heejun’s breaths, pressing the pump when needed.

 

“Done,” Jinwoo said, pulling the inhaler back. “Don’t overdo yourself, Heejun. It’s fine to take a break when you need to,”

 

Heejun nodded. But he didn’t move from the bench. 

 

“Hyung, can I stay here for a bit?”

 

“Sure,” Jinwoo said.

 

They sit together, not saying much, apart from sharing a packet of jellies. Then, Heejun gets up. And as he’s walking away, he stops and looks back at Jinwoo.

 

“My mum said you had that operation,” Heejun said plainly. 

 

“I did,”

 

“Why?”

 

Jinwoo thinks about the time he was a kid. Adults kept the Hanahaki disease quite hush until children entered their teens. He remembers being thirteen and watching the health documentary in class. He also remembers swearing off love forever that day. 

 

Heejun doesn’t wait for an answer. “She looked sad for you,” 

 

“Your mum?”

 

He nodded. “I think she had the same operation,”

 

Jinwoo wasn’t sure how he felt about Heejun spilling out his family’s business, but he lets the boy speak. Maybe talking about it to Jinwoo helped him understand it or make sense of it. 

 

“But it’s okay,” Heejun said. “Because she found my dad later on, and she’s still happy,”

 

“Really-”

 

One of the kids yelled for Heejun and he races over, ignoring Jinwoo’s calls about taking it slowly. He didn’t tell him to stay to press more questions and leaned back.

 

He thinks of Heejun’s mum. She found love again. She came out of a pain and found love elsewhere. It wasn’t impossible then, but to Jinwoo, it felt like a mountain he wasn’t sure he could complete. 

 

Then Jinwoo heard a laugh. Myungjun. One of the kids has ticked him and he was now pretending to be hanging off the edge of the climbing frame, even though all he had to do was stretch his leg and he’d reach the floor. He yelling dramatically, calling out for the kids to help him. Jinwoo found himself smiling, and then felt a drop in his chest. He started to feel something he didn’t think he’d ever feel again. 

 

Oh no. 

 

No, he shook his head. Removing the idea out of his head quickly. He pulled out his phone and put on his earphone, and started watching videos. He turned the other way, ignoring the sound of the voice he wouldn’t mind hearing for the rest of his life. 


	8. How.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything's going fast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I've shortened this fic, this is basically three chapters condensed into one. SORRY

The kids get bored quite quickly, but by then their mothers are calling them to return to their homes. So, one by one, Myungjun and Jinwoo drop each child off at their homes. Heejun was the last, just living two doors down. He high fived Myungjun, and gave Jinwoo a quick hug, He barely reached his waist. He rushed back inside his house. 

“Hey, I spend the day climbing a dangerous climbing frame,” Myungjun huffed, jokily. “That didn’t warrant a hug?”

“I think there are worse things to worry about,” Jinwoo laughed. 

They enter Minhyuk’s courtyard, where they thank the nurse for staying with Minhyuk and makes sure she leaves with a box of treats that the neighbours had treated Myungjun and Jinwoo as a welcome home gift. 

They decided to have dinner outside. Both Minhyuk and his mother had already gone to sleep, and the two decide to take advantage of one of the last nights before it grew too cold. They eat in silence, and Jinwoo shivered, hiding it well, he didn’t want to go inside just yet. And maybe the cold could freeze whatever he was feeling inside. 

A moment of silence passed, the light humming of the lamps and distant voices, late night workers, echoed through the streets and filled the small courtyard. Myungjun leaned in close and said, gently. “Let’s look at the stars,”

Jinwoo didn’t respond, but instead, he leaned back onto the wooden flooring, he jumps slightly from the cold. And then he looked up. There was less light pollution here than Seoul so the skylight was lit up with clear stars. It took Jinwoo breath away, reminding himself to come out another day to take pictures. 

He sees a quick flash of light in the sky. A shooting star, maybe?

“Did you see that-” He pointed, turning over to look Myungjun who was already staring at him. Jinwoo wasn’t sure if he had even taken a look at the sky at any time, despite his suggestion. 

For a moment, neither of the spoke. Jinwoo’s heart pounded. What the hell? Now is not the time. Jinwoo felt frustrated, should he be even feeling this so soon after his operation and, of all people, Myungjun? Jinwoo wasn’t sure if Myungjun did feel anything like that for him. 

Myungjun took a breath as if he was about to say something, then he must’ve decided against it. 

“Let’s go inside,” he whispered. “Jinwoo, you’re shivering.”

“No, I like this,” 

Myungjun shrugged off his jacket. “Fine, then wear this,”

Myungjun wore layers, so removing his coat was nothing. It was a jean jacket, an old one, with fake fur lining that tickled Jinwoo but kept quickly kept him warm. 

“Better?” Myungjun asked. 

Jinwoo nodded. He turned to face Myungjun again and neither of them moved. He didn’t speak a word, he couldn’t breathe. A few long second ticked before he found the words.

“Thanks,”

“No worries, Jinwoo, but we should think about getting inside before the rest of your face turns blue,”

“I’m fine, Myungjun,”

“Are you sure?”

“You don’t have to stay, Myungjun,” He glanced at the door.   
“No, I want to stay,” Myungjun said. 

Jinwoo sat up. “Please, then, don’t treat me like I’m sick. I’m fine. The operation worked.”

“I’m not,” Myungjun sighed. “Please, forgive me for actually caring about you,”

Jinwoo’s eyes met Myungjun’s. He knew it was supposed to be said in a platonic context. But something felt different in his words. 

“I’m thankful everyday for you,” Jinwoo said, the words spilling out his mouth. What he had wanted to say, but he could have never found the words to say. “You, you chose to help me even though you didn’t need to.”

Their eyes locked hard, and Jinwoo couldn’t find himself to pull away. He didn’t realise how close he moved. He didn’t realise his fingertips were pressing themselves into the back of Myungjun’s neck. Until he found himself leaning a little too close. Myungjun closed the gap between them and leaned in to kiss him, the heat of his breath warming Jinwoo’s cold lips.

Oh. My. God. Jinwoo’s mind went a hundred miles an hour. But the kiss happened slowly, both of the them deep breaths as their lips moved together. Jinwoo’s heart pounded, and he wondered what Myungjun was feeling. Was this okay? Jinwoo moaned softly into his mouth, as they held each other.

Soon, it moved intensely, almost overwhelming. And Jinwoo was desperate to touch Myungjun more. But Myungjun broke off the kiss, and they were left breathless, their foreheads touching and Jinwoo’s hands trembling on Myungjun’s neck. 

“Jinwoo,” Myungjun whispered. “I’m sorry but I’m gonna have to drag you back inside before you freeze to death,”

Jinwoo giggled and then stood up with Myungjun. They don’t say anything to each other, the feeling was there, and they get ready for bed in silence. Jinwoo pulls out his sheets and makes his bed on the floor. 

“You should just sleep on the bed,” Myungjun said.

Jinwoo froze. 

“I mean, look at yourself, Jinwoo,” Myungjun said. “You’re freezing, another day on the floor and you’ll wake up sick.”

Jinwoo was ready to argue his side. That he was fine, but the idea of a warmer bed was enticing. He hadn’t complained about the floor to anyone, but it wasn’t as comfortable now that colder weather was settling in. The bed was big, enough for the two of them with plenty of space. So Jinwoo took the right side, leaving the left for Myungjun

Jinwoo rested his head against the pillow, his body almost melting into sheets. 

“Better?” Myungjun asked. 

Jinwoo nodded. He turned to face Myungjun and neither of them moved. He didn’t speak a work, he couldn’t breathe. A few long second ticked, before Myungjun picked up his toiletry bag.

“You should go to sleep,” he said. “I’m gonna take a shower,”

“But...” Jinwoo paused, not wanting to sound too pushy. He wanted to know where they stood, and what happened from here. He didn’t want his heart to break so soon. 

“We’ll talk in the morning,” Myungjun scratched his neck, not waiting for a response, before going into the shower. 

In the morning. Jinwoo wondered. Will he change his mind? Decide it was a mistake? His stomach hadn’t settled yet, but his heart was sure on something. He wanted Myungjun, but a small pinch of dread hit him. The doctors has said that if he rushed into something too quickly, before he fully healed, it could do serious damage, such as the loss of love. Maybe that’s why Myungjun didn’t take it further last night. 

Jinwoo fell asleep soon after, his fatigue overwhelming him. 

Jinwoo woke up before Myungjun, whose snores filled the room, and now that he was closer to him, it was a bit more deafening now. In his sleep, he must’ve moved closer, unknowingly, his limbs touching Myungjun’s. He slowly pulled away and left the room. 

He peeked into Minhyuk’s room, he was already awake and playing on a handheld console. He trying to keep quiet but a loud ‘ugh’ echoed the room as he lost a round.

“I don’t think this is the kind of exercise your doctor was prescribing you to do,” Jinwoo said, eyeing the sheet of paper that explains multiple hand exercises for Minhyuk to do while bed bound. 

“Don’t tell my mum,” Minhyuk asked. Jinwoo laughed.

“I won’t,” Jinwoo promised and checked the time. It had just turned eight in the morning, their usual breakfast time was in an hour. “Hey, you hungry? I can make breakfast early.”

Minhyuk nodded. “Can we try those American pancake mix you found in that store?”

“Okay, but I’ve never made those before, and Myungjun wouldn’t shut up until I let him place it in the basket,” Jinwoo said. “So burnt pancakes for breakfast it is.”

“I trust you, hyung,” Minhyuk smiled. 

Jinwoo entered the kitchen, searching for the bottled mix. They usually stuck to Korean breakfast food but he guessed Minhyuk wanted something different. He’s rummaging through the cupboards, and his mind wanders to last night. Myungjun’s hand on his chest, levelling the two as they kissed. His hands on the nape of neck, edging closer to his hair, wanting to pull them closer. 

Jinwoo wasn’t sure if he was ready for Myungjun to wake up.  
He finds the bottle, lodged under a box of fruits. But then turns his head at the noise of a car parking out front. It was too early for the nurse. He puts the bottle down. 

Jinwoo has barely opened the door, before a loud voice called out his name.

“Jinwoo hyung!!” Sanha rushed through the house gates, his backpack bouncing behind him. Jinwoo swore this must be a dream.

“Sanha??” Jinwoo stood in confusion. He knew Sanha’s parents were strict, and there was no way he could’ve gotten here with his parent’s permission and this early in the morning.

“I think I deserve a better welcoming than that,” he laughed. “Why the long face?”

“Did you run away from home?” Jinwoo asked. “I don’t think your parents will appreciate that.”

Sanha’s face dropped. “Don’t get mad.”

“I’m not! I’m concerned, you’re not even of age yet, how did you get here? Who got you here?”

“Well, the thing is, hyung, he was already coming down here, and I thought it was better if I joined,” Sanha looked panicked now.

“Who?”

“Hello, Jinwoo hyung,” a voice called out behind Sanha. Jinwoo stilled, and his stomach dropped. And not in the way it did last night. Last night felt good, but this hurt as if Jinwoo swallowed a rock. Jinwoo peered over, even though he already knew who would be there. 

“Dongmin,”


	9. Maroon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> confessions and new discoveries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, enjoy this mess, unedited and not at all consistent. :)))) (I will at one point go back and edit this entire fic)

Jinwoo stood in silence. He doesn’t know how long he’s standing there, but it must’ve been long enough for Sanha to shake his shoulder, snapping him out of his daze.

 

“Hyung,” Sanha said, his voice trembling. “I’m sorr-”

 

“It’s not your fault, Sanha,” Jinwoo shook his head, and then stood to the side of the door. “Minhyuk’s room is down the hall, on the left,”

 

“Hyung-”

 

“Sanha, please, go inside,” Jinwoo pleaded, hoping his voice strain didn’t show his desperation.

 

Sanha went silent and then slipped inside the home. Jinwoo waited until he heard Minhyuk’s door open. He heard a yelp from Minhyuk which quickly got cut off as Sanha closed the door.

 

“We need to talk,” Dongmin said, finally speaking.

 

“Not here,” Jinwoo slipped on his shoes, forgoing a jacket, despite the cold, and walked to the front of the house. “Follow me,”

 

The two walked silence. Jinwoo led them to the park. It was bare, their footprints in the snow being the only ones there. Dongmin takes a seat at the bench, and places his hands into his pocket.

 

“Why did you come here, Dongmin?” Jinwoo asked.

 

“Sanha’s been asking everyone with a car to drive him down here,” Dongmin said, plainly. “I had a couple of days of university so I thought it was the least I could do for him. It was kinda sad seeing him mope around without Minhyuk.”

 

“I could’ve driven back up to get him,” Jinwoo said. He had suggested the idea of Sanha last week but it seems like the younger was trying his luck to get down here earlier. “It’s a long drive-”

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Dongmin’s tone changed drastically as he looked up to Jinwoo. Sharper, stronger, colder.

 

“What do you mean?” Jinwoo feigned ignorance.

 

“I went to your apartment, your old one, to collect some stuff I had left when we had last party last month,” Jinwoo remembered that. It had ended with him and his head down a toilet, choking whatever petals his body had made.

 

“The old landlord had left it in his office, said he was waiting for you to pick it up at some point,” Dongmin continued. “You see, he’s never really said anything bad about you, but he kept complaining about the mess you made before you left,”

 

The landlord was an old man, sweet at some times, but only to tenants he liked. Jinwoo was one of them.

 

“I defended you, of course,” Dongmin sighed. “Said you’re the cleanest person I know, but then he mentioned the petals,”

 

Jinwoo froze.

 

“I tried calling everyone to see what they knew. Sangyeon said he didn’t know anything, Suyeon never picked up my calls, and Sanha always turned the other way when I saw him in town, but then I put two and two together,” Dongmin stood up. And Jinwoo took a step back. “You weren’t in hospital because of a cold,”

 

“Dongmin, I can explain-”

 

“Jinwoo hyung, you almost died!” Dongmin raised his voice. “You almost died because… because of me!”

 

“Dongmin, please, don’t get mad,”

 

“Do you know what the landlord had said to me?” Dongmin is shaking. “He said you collapsed in the middle of your apartment! You were screaming and crying so hard that everyone on your street could hear you!”

 

Jinwoo stood there in silence. His mind remembers some moments. Jinwoo thrashing on the ground, his throat raw from the thorns and petals gushing out his mouth. Even his stomach twisted in horrifying pain. Maybe this is why Myungjun was hesitant to help him recall that night. Jinwoo was almost on death’s doorstep that night.

 

“Why did you never tell me?” Dongmin asked, his eyes watering, close to just bursting into tears. “You were in so much pain,”

 

“I don’t know, Dongmin,” Jinwoo stuttered. “I thought I could live through it, maybe whatever feelings I had for you would subside-”

 

“Jesus, did you even listen in class?” Dongmin swore. “Hanahaki is a disease, not a playground crush, this was something that could _kill_ you,”

 

“I thought I had no chance!” Jinwoo said. “I thought it was better to wait it out rather than confess to you and get turned down!”

 

“You thought I would turn you down?” Dongmin said.

 

“Would you have?”

 

Dongmin stared. “God, no, Jinwoo, I _love_ you!”

 

Jinwoo took a step back, his jaw dropped.

 

“You don’t mean that-”

 

“I do, Jinwoo hyung, I always did,” Dongmin chuckled lightly. “I guess we’re both terrible at communication,”

 

His stomach hurled. What would’ve happened if had heard this confession a month ago?

 

“If you knew about my operation, then why did you come down here?” Jinwoo asked.

 

“I couldn’t just wait,” Dongmin sighed. “I had to know it from you, hear it from you,”

 

“Then what now?” Jinwoo asked. “You do know the side effects of the operation?”

 

Dongmin nodded, his lip trembling, and he looked to Jinwoo. “You don’t love me anymore,”

 

“I still love you,” Jinwoo said. “You’re my friend, and that doesn’t change, I just-”

 

 _I don’t love you like that anymore,_ was what he wanted to say. But Dongmin is already crying. Jinwoo took a step closer. The last time he was this close to him, he had to excuse himself to the bathroom. But there was nothing. No pain, no ache, nothing. He didn’t want to be close to him in that way anymore.

 

“I should’ve said something to you,” Dongmin sobbed. “I should’ve held onto you, should’ve said something,”

 

Jinwoo kneeled into the front of him and held his shoulders lightly. “Dongmin, it’s oka-”

 

“I’m such a fool,” Dongmin said. “I knew how I felt about you and yet I still said yes to Bin when he asked me on a date,”

 

That day he saw them. Dongmin was trying to move on with his feelings, and that triggered Jinwoo.

“You didn’t know, Dongmin,” Jinwoo said. “You can’t blame yourself this,”

 

Dongmin looked up, sniffling, his cheeks red from crying and the cold wind. “I don’t deserve you,”

 

There’s a rustling in the trees nearby, a cat jumps out from the bushes, and climbs onto the swings.

 

“Don’t say that Dongmin,” Jinwoo sighed, turning back and stood up. “C’mon, let’s go back,”

 

“Is everyone okay?” Dongmin asked. “Between us?”

 

“It has been a tough morning, let’s just go back and get something to eat, and talk it out,” Jinwoo said. “I now have two kids to feed, and Minhyuk, when he’s cranky-hungry, is difficult enough,”

 

Dongmin laughed. He stood up from the bench and began to walk back alongside Jinwoo, less stiff than he was before.

 

They walk back in more comfortable silence. When they get to the door, Heejun is there, with his dog, whose was chewing on something that Heejun didn’t want him to eat.

 

“Heejun, shouldn’t you be at home?” Jinwoo asked. Dongmin gave him a shy nod.

 

“I was until Ganji ran out to your house,” Heejun huffed. “C’mon, Ganji!”

 

The front gate suddenly slams open, Sanha rushes out, calling behind him. “Don’t worry, Minhyuk, I’ll find him- OH!”

 

“Sanha, what’s wrong?” Dongmin asked.

 

Sanha stood there, looking down at his feet. “M-hyung, he-”

 

“Where did he go, Sanha?” Jinwoo asked.

“There we go, Ganji, good boy!” Heejun pulled out whatever Ganji had in his mouth. Petals, soft, delicate and maroon red. Jinwoo’s favourite colour. And then Jinwoo froze. It’s winter, petals like that shouldn’t be growing, and if it wasn’t from a tree, it had to have come from somewhere. And Jinwoo knew all too well where petals like that came from.

 

“Sanha,” Jinwoo turned to the youngest. “Where is Myungjun?”

 

“We don’t know,” Sanha whispered, he’s trembling slightly, part because of the cold winds, part in fear. “He ran when we saw his petals,”

 

Dongmin is saying something to Sanha but Jinwoo can’t hear anything apart from white noise, and the last two words Sanha said echoing in his mind.

 

_His petals._

 

 


	10. help.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinwoo runs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very short, but to the point. And very unedited. I'm sorry.

“Sanha, what do you mean his petals?” Dongmin asked. 

“He went out to go find you guys,” Sanha rushed his words. “And then like five minutes ago, he came back in and ran to the toilet. I thought he was sick, but then he ran back out the door,”

“We have to find him,” Jinwoo said, his voice hoarse. He began to make a move. “But how? When?” He’s breathing heavily now, and Dongmin has to hold him to stop from running in a wild direction.

“I can explain,” a new voice entered. Minhyuk’s. He’s hobbling, using the crutches he had recently been given. He wasn’t supposed to be using them yet, not until next week.

“Minhyuk hyung!” Sanha cried, rushing to him, holding him upright. “You idiot, I told you to stay in bed,”

“I’m gonna pretend you didn’t call me an idiot and let me explain to Jin jin hyung,” Minhyuk huffed as Sanha led him to the bench outside their house. 

“How long, Minhyuk?” Jinwoo asked.

“Hyung,” Minhyuk said, slowly.

“No,” Jinwoo said firmly. “Now’s not the time, you either tell me now quickly or after I find him,”

“Since he was twelve,” Minhyuk said. "It's a long story--"

Jinwoo’s heart dropped. That was over twelve years ago. Jinwoo’s mind is running a mile a minute. How could this have happened? How didn’t he see it happening? Him of all people should’ve known. The way Myungjun was slowly detaching himself away from Jinwoo, slowly closing himself off, fighting off a feeling he wasn’t sure of yet. Why didn’t he tell him? Maybe that night, Jinwoo thought, the way Myungjun hovered over him as Jinwoo asked for him to stay. Instead he ran to the bathroom. Maybe if Jinwoo hadn’t fallen asleep so quickly, he would’ve seen it, heard him. Hanahaki was a tricky thing. Simply the feeling of loving one another was not enough. There had to be a confession, the afflicted and the subject confirming their feelings, and Myungjun wasn’t always the best when it came to words. But why now?

And then a feeling of dread settled in Jinwoo’s stomach. Maybe he had seen them. Him and Dongmin. His arms around Dongmin, soothing him to stop him from crying. From a distance, it could’ve looked like anything. Months ago, he had been in that position. The confusion and disaster that occured straight after. Jinwoo needed to find Myungjun and fast. 

Jinwoo ignores their calls as he runs off. He didn’t any directions, the petals were still there. They lead to the nearest corner store, takes a sharp turn, and then down a long road. Jinwoo stops at a park, where the petals directions were less uniform and more scattered from the icy winds. Jinwoo realised how much he’s shivering, but he can’t stop now. Where the hell is he? Jinwoo looked around, his initial shock dissipating and now replaced with fear. His phone is vibrating from notifications from Sanha, but he ignored them. 

“Myungjun!” Jinwoo called out. His voice echoed through the park. It was too early for anyone to be here even with the snow. Something about the whole thing made his heart race, like he was waiting for a ghost to jump out at him. He’s running across the park and makes his way to the kiddy area and then stops. 

He swallowed thickly, unease and maybe at this point bile rising up again, as he saw Myungjun. He was slumped on a bench, his head in his hands, surrounded by petals. Even from a distance, Jinwoo could see him heaving, his shoulders rising and falling at a rapid pace. 

“M-hyung?” He called out, running towards him, though his voice trembled. 

He doesn’t move from his position. And by the time Jinwoo makes it to him, he’s quickly rooted to the spot and all he could hear was the sound of his heart. He wanted to speak, to yell and scream as he fell to his knees in front of Myungjun.

“Hyung! Look at me,” Jinwoo grabs Myungjun’s hands, holding them tightly. He had ran out with barely any clothing as well and his hands were ice cold to touch. Myungjun was unresponsive, refusing to see his eyes. 

“Hyung, I--” Jinwoo started. He didn’t want to say, how did this work, he had the power to end his pain but here he was frozen to the spot. 

But that didn’t matter anyway since Myungjun had stopped heaving, the petals finally settling around him, and he fell forward into Jinwoo’s arms.


	11. what comes next?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinwoo, are you ready?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO CLOSE TO THE END NOW. NOW ALL THERE'S LEFT IS THE EPILOGUE.

Jinwoo couldn’t move, he couldn’t even breath as he sat on the edge of the hospital seats, wringing his fingers anxiously. Someone had called an ambulance, Jinwoo didn’t know who, but someone did. And Jinwoo was grateful. 

 

Dongmin’s arms were wrapped around Jinwoo’s shoulders, trying to comfort him, but Jinwoo couldn’t stop thinking about the way he stilled when Myungjun fell. After Myungjun had collapsed, Jinwoo froze. And that made him so angry. Myungjun didn’t freeze when he saw him. Despite knowing his feelings for Dongmin and aware of his own feelings to Jinwoo, he didn’t just sit there and do nothing. He had helped him.

 

Jinwoo could tell that Dongmin wanted to speak, say something, anything to make the situation better. The doctors were keeping hush since neither of them were technically family but Myungjun’s aunt was taken to a separate office to speak to the doctors. And then the doctor arrived. 

 

“Park Jinwoo?” he called out.

 

“Yes,” Jinwoo said. “I’m here,”

 

“Can you come into my office?”

 

And there the doctor explained, including information that Myungjun’s aunt had also revealed. Myungjun had suffered from Hanahaki from a young age. It was severe, since he had developed it quite young. The doctors guessed it may have started from the age of twelve, like Minhyuk had said, but he appeared to never do anything to solve it. Records showed that Myungjun had applied for a Hanahaki removal operation when he was nineteen. And that hit Jinwoo like a ton of bricks. He had been seventeen then and moved up to Seoul with his parents. 

 

“It appears he tried to get it removed but backed out at the last moment,” the doctor explained. “If the timeline matches it, I believe whatever pain he had felt increased when you left, but soon stopped after a couple of months,”

“How?” Jinwoo asked. He remembered the feeling of always wanting to be around Dongmin, never wanting to leave his side. Even when he was gone, he yearned for him to come back.

 

“Hanahaki is tricky and it all depends on the afflicted,” the doctor said. “I believe the distance is what may have done it. Myungjun tricked his body into thinking he’d never see you again,”

 

“That must’ve done something to him?”

 

The doctor nodded. “It did. Rather than letting it manifest into Hanahaki, it - how should I say- ate away at him.” 

 

Oh. That explain Myungjun’s thin frame. Jinwoo assumed that resulted from the constant comments Myungjun received about his weight. But the more sinister reasoning shook Jinwoo. There were no words, so they simply sat there, staring off into the distance, trying to process what had happened. 

 

“I believe this sort of reaction has been building up,” the doctor continued. “You’ve reunited in the past years and this is his body catching up to him, releasing all those pent up feelings,”

 

“When he wakes up, it’s best if he confronts it straight away,” the doctor’s voice pulled Jinwoo from his trance and he wasn’t sure how long they just sat there. “He’ll have his options laid out,” The doctor pulls out forms that appeared similar to Jinwoo, and recognises them as the documentation for the removal of Hanahaki.

 

“Wait,” Jinwoo stopped the doctor. “You’re going to get rid of it?”

 

“It’s merely an option, Jinwoo” the doctor said. 

 

“But what if I accept his feelings?”

 

The doctor stared. “Well, do you?”

 

Jinwoo stood there. He loved Myungjun, that he was sure of, but he had never confronted Hanahaki before. The pamphlets say a confession, the movies show a dramatic meeting as they tell each other their love. Jinwoo was scared to see what happened next. What comes next?

 

The doctor excused Jinwoo, allowing him to return to the waiting room. There he slumped against the hard, plastic seats. He thinks about his broken heart, one that yearned previously for Dongmin. He hated the feeling of being trapped and loving Dongmin meant he stayed like that constantly. But Myungjun….

 

Myungjun was different. His name on his lips felt warm and clear and right. No pain, but comfort. Even as a friend, Jinwoo was thankful for him everyday. He made smile day by day, his stomach in stitches but never in pain. It was him. When he saw him, he was so happy. What if he never felt this? What if he confessed to Dongmin and fell in love with him instead. He would’ve never known the feeling of Myungjun skin against his. He would’ve never helped him heal. These past weeks with Myungjun had changed his life, as if the past years were wiped again, and these newer moments held more weight than anything else in his life.

 

“Jinwoo,” a nurse called him over. “Myungjun is awake, would you like to see him?”

 

The nurse led to him to another floor, an intensive unit where Myungjun had his own room. The nurse left to let him enter on his own. Jinwoo wished she had, he wished she would take the first step into the room. His stomach jumped and twisted multiple times within mere seconds. Is this what Myungjun was like when he was in the hospital. So scared to see what was on the other side?

 

_ I’m thankful everyday for you.  _ That’s what Jinwoo had said to him and he meant it. He held the door handle tightly, and pushed it open. Jinwoo was happy now, and it was because of him. 

 


	12. Six months later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From now on.....

Jinwoo stood at the edge of the party, watching everyone dancing. The sun hung low and despite the loss of light the air was warm and fun. Dongmin was at the piano, filling the room with calming music as Sangyeon danced across the floor with his new bride, Sookyung, an old school friend turned lover and now wife. It had been a lovely ceremony. Jinwoo could see Moon Bin hanging by the piano, waiting for Dongmin to finish his piece so they could dance together. He could just spot Sanha playing rock, paper, scissors with Minhyuk. It ends will Sanha huffing over to the dessert table on the other side of the large tent, piling on the sweet treats.

 

“They look happy,” A voice said, Jinwoo almost didn’t hear it over the piano. 

 

Jinwoo turned and saw Myungjun, his hands holding two champagne flutes, staring out to the crowd. His suit was a bit scruffy, his tie slightly out of place and one of the collars upturned. 

 

“Hi,” Jinwoo said. “I didn’t see you at the ceremony,”

 

“I was there, just at the back, I got roped in by one of Sangyeon’s aunts to help settle the kids,” he shrugged. “I think they got a bit too energetic,”

 

“I can see,” Jinwoo reached out and fixed the collar and placed the tie back into its proper place. 

 

Myungjun passes him a flute and the two drink in silence. Six months had passed since what had happened in Jinju. After Jinwoo confessed, and after a good three hours of crying (and maybe a little bit of kissing), the doctors informed the two it would be best to keep their distance. They were both still recovering. So Jinwoo returned to Seoul, while Myungjun stayed in Jinju until he was allowed to leave the hospital. By then Minhyuk had healed pretty well and returned back to Seoul with Myungjun and returned to his school’s dorm. He was still on lockdown from dancing for another couple of months. 

 

They kept to simple texting and calls, not overdoing themselves, and Sangyeon’s wedding was the first time he had a moment alone with Myungjun, and not under the watchful eyes of his friends, who were at this moment getting drunk and revealing all of Sangyeon’s embarrassing school stories to his elderly grandmother. 

 

“Are you still staying at Suyeon’s?” Myungjun asked as he emptied his glass.

 

Jinwoo nodded. “I’m still looking for a place,”

 

Myungjun looked at him, his lips parted, as if he was beginning to speak. But then turned towards the dance crowd. 

 

“Want to dance?” Myungjun asked.

 

“This isn’t my kind of dancing,” Jinwoo said. “And I don’t think Sangyeon would appreciate me b-boying in the middle of his wedding floor,”

 

“C’mon,” Myungjun tugged on his sleeve, and that like that, Jinwoo found himself moving to the dance crowd. 

 

They were dancing. Myungjun’s arms around him. They kept it simple, just slowly moving together, hoping they didn’t trip anyone up. It was stiff and a little awkward at first but slowly Myungjun soon had his cheek against Jinwoo’s shoulder, one of his hands on Jinwoo’s shoulder, the other on his waist. His skin was warm against him.

 

“Jinwoo, I’m sorry,” Myungjun sighed.

 

“Why?” Jinwoo asked. “You can’t blame yourself for what happened.”

 

“If I had just sorted myself out, done something different-” He breathed lightly. “Maybe we could’ve been different,”

 

“Different how?”

 

“We would’ve fallen in love much earlier,” Myungjun said.

“We can’t dwell on the past, hyung,” Jinwoo whispered against Myungjun’s head. “We can only move forward,”

 

Myungjun pulled away from the him, looking at him straight in the eye. 

 

“When I look at myself, I feel that I’ve changed so much, do you know?” Jinwoo said. 

 

Myungjun didn’t respond. Instead he looked away and Jinwoo lightly moved his cheeks so he’s facing him again.  

 

“And I want to move forward,” Jinwoo said, loud and clear. “With you,” He had decided months ago, but had waited until he thought Myungjun was ready to see him again. “That is, if you’re ready, hyung.”

 

Someone bumps into the them, and Jinwoo has to steady the two and when he looks back to face Myungjun, he leaned in to kiss him. His mouth hard on his, slow but sure. Their arms tangled closer together as they pulled nearer. When they pull away, Myungjun leaned his head against his, closing his eyes. 

 

“I'm ready,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> w ow I can't believe it was only a month ago I started writing this. This has given me a real confidence boosters for writing my own stories. (I want to become a published author someday) Thank you so much to everyone who read this and gave this kudos and comments as well. (I still a little shy so sorry if I never responded to you) I'm still fairly new to using AO3 but I'm grateful for the response you've given me. I hope you guys enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it.


	13. SOUNDTRACK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whenever I write, I always have a playlist of songs to listen to. I hope you enjoy the songs.

  * When I Saw You - Bumkey
  * Delicate - Taylor Swift
  * wRoNg - Zayn ft Kehlani
  * It's Okay - Kisum ft Heize
  * Oh, What a World - Kacey Musgrave
  * Beautiful - Pentagon
  * Sorry - The Rose
  * It Aint Me - Lindsey Stirling (feat Kurt Hugo Schneider)
  * Brave Enough - Lindsey Stirling (feat Christina Perri)
  * Capital Letters - Hailee Steinfeld
  * Stay with me - Chanyeol and Punch



Another sappy thank you message guys: i said in my previous note but i am really thankful and happy that everyone enjoyed this. I write fan fiction all the time to practise and make my writing better and this was the first time i ever posted something new online. Im kind of terrible at responding to comments but thank you to everyone who did. 


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